Some years are monumental, at the end you can look back and there are half a dozen big adventures behind you, pin marks in maps, ticket stubs on walls, rings on fingers and happy faces shining out from photo frames.
Other years don’t stand out at all really, the months brushing by without affecting much change. Hum drum, normality.
Occasionally a year will chew you up and spit you out.
As 2014 comes to a close I feel exhausted, emotionally and physically wrung out. 2014 was the most painful year I have ever experienced. It was the most painful for most of my family too but I can’t speak for them and so I won’t attempt to. Already I feel as if 2014 is the year that divides my life in two, the metre stick of ‘before’ and ‘after.’ A chasm in between.
I can’t discuss this year—hell I can’t even think about this year—without thinking and writing about Cian. Some days feel normal and others leaving me gasping for air in a world that he no longer exists in. I try to honour his memory daily. I try my best to be brave like he was, to be bold and unapologetic. To strive for better and to inspire others in the ways that he did. I won’t always succeed, I know that. But to try is just as important.
The only way is up and as we proceed into 2015 I am filled with hope, gratitude and love. This past year has taught me more about community, the meaning of family and love than all the years leading up to it combined.
My only wishes for these next twelve months is to love wildly, speak honestly and plan adventurously. What are yours?
Have a great night you beauties, I hope there’s a kiss at midnight waiting for you! xoxo